You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
