so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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