is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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