My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
