Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
