the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
