How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
