So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
