We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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