Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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