Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
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Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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