I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
