I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
