I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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