if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Come on in and take your pants off
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