Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
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