literally had 100 drinks last night.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Randomize
