Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
