apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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