Screwed.edu
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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