we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
