i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
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I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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