It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
