lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
