Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
