im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
