after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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