im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
