Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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