There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Operation Purity has been aborted
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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