I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
