Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
