Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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