I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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