look no pants
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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