...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
