she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
