plz talk dirty to me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you had me at cake vodka
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
