Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
