Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You need a sexual gate keeper
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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