So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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