He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
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All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
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Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
the raccoons are back...
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