yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
