My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
