note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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