the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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