Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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