she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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