no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time