captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.