yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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