they need to just BURY HIM!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
