My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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