either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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