They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize