"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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