I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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