Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
