oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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