i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
