shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
