There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
