surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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