Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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