just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
